Monday, May 3, 2010

Back

So it's been awhile since I've posted anything. The last entry was The Trust Deficit Part II. Since then, two things have conspired to delay a follow up.

First, I found out last week that I was accepted into UCLA and I’ve been consumed with trying to figure out how to make their color scheme more masculine without having to overhaul it entirely. Tradition has its place you know. I thought at first that the blinding radiance of my gruff machismo would have a photosynthetic effect, and that the colors would grow manlier just by basking in my potent virility. But then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that my masculinity actually ranks somewhere between that of Ellen DeGeneres and George Will.

National Masculinity Rankings (2010 U.S. Census Bureau)

645,942: Ellen DeGeneres
645,943: Ryan Fisher
645,944: George Will


Deck me out in baby blue and canary yellow and I fall closer to Elijah Wood.

National Masculinity Rankings (2010 U.S. Census Bureau)

245,695,320: Dakota Fanning
245,695,321: Ariel (The Little Mermaid)
245,695,322: Elijah Wood


So that plan’s shot to shit.

Then I thought about calling one of the D.C. public relations firms employed by our two political parties but came to my senses when I realized that if they’re worth anything close to what they’re paid then our elected officials must actually be entirely corrupt, glue sniffing, hobo molesters instead of the mostly corrupt, alcoholic, hobo molesters we’ve been led to believe they are. Plus I don’t have any money.

Plan C involves calling Erik Prince and convincing him to adorn the Blackwater (now known as Xe) mercenaries in Bruin blue and gold. While this would no doubt toughen up the soft image the colors currently connote, I (unlike our President apparently) am concerned about potential blowback from Iraqis and Afghanis whose families have been inconvenienced (read raped and murdered) by Blackwater security forces operating in the Middle East. After last season’s limp college basketball performance we have enough on our hands without having to worry about a makeshift dirty bomb detonating at Pauley Pavilion.

So as of now there is no plan, but I’ll come up with something.

The other thing was that I didn’t really have anymore to say on the subject of The Trust Deficit for now, but since I tailed the last one with “Part III coming soon”, I felt obligated to come up with something. But most trilogies suck and I’m not gonna force a Matrix Revolutions out just for the sake of symmetry. So I’m moving on but reserve the right as master of my own little slice of cyber space to revisit the issue as I see fit.

This has also taught me a valuable lesson. The beauty of the blog is that there are no rules but the ones that you make for yourself. But an environment completely devoid of structure isn’t conducive to attracting or keeping readers. So I’m committing to a minimum of one new post every week from here on out and adding a couple of new features to the blog. Since I love to share little tidbits of pop culture with anyone who’ll humor me, I’m adding a “Song of the Week”, “Quote of the Week”, and “Moment of the Week” to the blog. Hopefully I can share a little beauty, humor, and knowledge this way as well.

Thanks for continuing to read. I hope you enjoy the new-ish format.

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